The train just keeps going and going.
I had to get away.
I have to keep moving.
I cannot count the hours I have been on this train. The hours I have been on these two feet, staring into the blurs and shades of darkness whizzing by the windows.
He will be worried. I'll have to call anyway. Can I really do this?
My Arms creak as they reach into my jacket pocket, my fingers unbending slowly to press the buttons.
I hold the cellphone to my ear as it calls. I didn't even check the time, but it is probably well over midnight.
"W-where are you?" His voice is low but it croaks the heavy tone of sadness. He Already knows.
My voice is quiet and small. Why am I starting to feel like a goddamned child?
"...I'm not sure. But I'm pretty far out this time. I think I can-"
"Come home." He says short but stern.
"I just have to-"
A heavy sigh.
"Alyssa, You cant keep doing this."
but what about me?
Instantly I am frustrated and growing angry.
"I don't know where I am. I don't care. I just had to go. Can't you see that Keith?"
"Please, baby come home. Come back. You cant keep leaving like this! You're running away from-"
"Don't. Don't you Dare." I already know. Its the same argument every time! He just doesn't get it!
"Fine?" My finger slides back and forth over the smooth 'End' button.
"I'll get on the Lexington Train. It will ride along the same route as the Berring. I can meet you. We can go wherever you need to go just-"
"Keith! Stop it."
I hear a slam in the background.
"Dammit! Why do you always run? I dont know what to do anymore. Is it me?! What have I done to you? I-I just dont fucking understand! I love you Alyssa! Why wont you...I understand how you feel..we can..."
And the Train just keeps going.
Farther and farther away, but somehow closer.
My eyes no longer registering my environment. I am only a being. No... I am more than that, I got this far.
"Keith...Im going to find her. Im going to find Nova and bring her back."
"...A-Alyssa...Alyssa?...no. No. NO! NO! DONT DO THIS! WE CAN TALK! WE CAN WORK THIS OUT! YOU CANT JUST GO AHEAD AND-!"
"Hey.." I say a bit low, and he calms down to listen.
"I love you with all my heart, Keith. Forever and always."
I close my phone shut, turn it off and put it on the metal suitcase rack above me.
Just me and an empty Train.
Somehow the tears that run down my cheeks are not from anger nor sadness. I've decided. They are the tears of a promise.
I will bring her back Keith! Whatever it takes.
"Alyssa, what the hell do you think you're doing! Where are you going to go? You dont even know!"
My purse in hand and a messily packed suitcase in the other.
"Its been 2 years Keith! 2 years! You think we can just keep waiting? We can't just give up! She could be-"
"The police already handled it! You know this! What can we do that they haven't done already, Alyssa? We've tried, you know that!We've done everything!" His eyes seem to burn right through mine.
"They haven't found...a body. She...she could still be alive Kieth!"
"Oh hell..." His two fingers pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. Two cigarettes lie burning simultaneously in the ash tray near him.
"You...you already think...shes dead don't you...That's why everything of hers is...gone." I let my purse and small suitcase fall to the floor.
"You...You..." He lets out an almost frustrated laugh as he gets up from the table.
"I cant fucking believe you can even say something like that." His fist slams the hardwood table making me jump a little.
"I was just...I didnt mean it like... it just seems like.." I try to say, gathering empty words.
"NO! You don't think I wish every morning for her to be there?! Popping out of the closet to give...to give Daddy a scare..." His hands ball into fists and cover his eyes. "Im always seeing her, Alyssa! I always think I see her! On the street, on the train! Hearing her Laugh!I'm...I'm always looking for my little girl. I just...I cant keep doing that Alyssa! I need to move on! Its going to kill me if I dont!" He collapses onto his knees, head in hands. His shoulders shake with silent weeping and I am frozen in place."My little girl...."
I just dont know what to do anymore, but I cant go on like this.
"I... Im so sorry."
I run to the bedroom and lock the door.
Since her "disappearance" after what the Newspapers dubbed it as "The Factory Fire Flare", The police have begun to call off the case. Only a few turned up missing because they didnt have a body to match. But there were no leads to show if any of the missing,including my daughter,are alive or dead.
But her. My baby girl. They have to find my baby girl.